


No Day Will Ever Be The Same

by TheRoguePhilosopher



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Healing, PTSD, Sanvers - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-05
Updated: 2017-05-07
Packaged: 2018-10-28 11:27:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10830330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRoguePhilosopher/pseuds/TheRoguePhilosopher
Summary: How Maggie and Alex are dealing, post-kidnapping.  It was traumatizing for Alex to be kidnapped, trapped, drowned, depending on the skills of others to rescue her.  But what Alex is learning is that it Rick Malverne truly succeeded in terrifying Maggie Sawyer, deeply so.Takes place directly after episode 2x19, "Alex".





	1. Aftermath

**Author's Note:**

> Here we are, DAYS after this episode, and Alex Danvers almost dying in the tank is still fucking with my head. So this is how I'm going to work all this out.  
> *I'm marking this as a 2-fer, but it might end up being 3, trying not to though...

Maggie rolled the nearby empty cot so that it was right next to the one Alex occupied. 

“Maggie, what are you--”

“Shh.  You know what I’m doing.” 

Alex let out a laugh, eyes sparkling in Maggie’s direction.  If she were being honest, she was thrilled at the idea that Maggie was about to break all the sick bay rules and was removing her jacket and shoes, preparing to stay the night. 

“If J’onn or my Mom comes back in, they’re probably just going to roll you out.”  Alex said, as Maggie hopped onto the cot, ignoring that her side was jammed in the crack between the two beds, immediately spooning around Alex’s side.

“I’d like to see them try, Danvers.” 

Alex couldn’t wipe the grin from her face, fingertips trailing up and down Maggie’s arm. 

It was the safest she had felt in two days, easily drifting off to sleep. 

* * *

 

When Maggie said she was going to take some time off after the kidnapping, with the full blessing of the chief of the NCPD, Alex was thrilled.  Of course, Maggie should take time off after that. Even Alex herself agreed to not be Agent Danvers for an additional day, spending a day curled up with Maggie on the couch, enjoying a rainy-day recovery snuggle. 

Eliza had stopped by and brought the pair lunch to check on Alex, and Kara had done the same at dinner.  Afterwards, Alex felt refreshed, and grateful for the people in her life who cared about her to rescue her and keep making sure she was alright. 

Alex was coming to the realization that the entire ordeal may have traumatized Maggie more than it did herself. On day two, when Alex felt ready to go back to work, Maggie just looked at her like a lost puppy. 

“Really?”  She said, trying to hide her disappointment. 

Alex pulled her turtleneck over her head, fluffing her hair into waves. 

“Yes.  I am physically one-hundred percent.  I’m not going to pretend that what happened didn’t affect me,” Alex shuddered as she flashed back to that morning, when she asked Maggie to shower with her specifically to prevent a potential panic attack, “but I’m ready. Something bad happened.  But it doesn’t mean that I’m spending the rest of my life hiding from the bad guys.” 

Maggie nodded, swallowing hard.  “Okay.  You know when you’re ready, and if you’re ready, you’re ready.  You know? That you’re ready?”  Maggie started pacing. 

The detective, for the last seven years, and never taken more than a week of vacation in a twelve-month period.  It’s not that she didn’t like taking time off, she did—but she wasn’t one to just take a day or two off to lounge around.  She planned one restful week at some tropical location, sometimes with friends, sometimes with her Aunt and cousins, and found that was all she needed.  Maggie always came back smiling, tanned, and refreshed for another year of ass-kicking. 

Which meant that every year that she only took a week vacation, she rolled over two that she didn’t use. 

If Maggie didn’t want to work, she wouldn’t have to for a very, very long time.  But she hadn’t considered that Alex would want to hop right back in. Her entire body stood on edge.

She knew logically that Alex wasn’t kidnapped at work.  Hell, she was probably the safest at the DEO, surrounded by other highly trained para-military experts.  But the thought of being separated from Alex all day made her cringe. The thought of watching Alex walk out of the front door, when the last time Alex left through the front door she didn’t come back, was starting to involuntarily push Maggie’s very buried internal panic button.

“Hey.”  Maggie wasn’t sure how long Alex was watching her thoughts spiral out of control, but suddenly the taller woman was right in front of her, uncrossing her arms to hold both of her hands.

“What’s going on in there, hmm?”  Alex kissed Maggie’s forehead.  “What do you need?” 

_What do I need, Danvers?  I’m not the one who was kidnapped, water tortured, left to die…_

“Come back to me.” Alex said softly, but starting to sound worried, continuing to plant kisses on the barrier of skin between her lips and Maggie’s racing thoughts. 

“I--” Maggie didn’t know what to say.  That she’d rather chop off one of her own limbs than let Alex out of her sight?  She knew how illogical that was.  Alex was back.  Alex was not in any more danger going to work today than she was any day before the kidnapping. 

It didn’t make Maggie feel any less sick. 

“Why don’t you come in with me?”  Alex said, moving back to run her fingers through soft, thick raven hair.  “You work with us enough you should practically get your own locker.  Actually, since you have badge access, we really should get you a locker now that I think about it.”

“Alex, you don’t have to--”

“I want to.  Consider it a special treat.  You can come and either watch me experiment on very boring petri dish samples with my Mom, and see for yourself just how safe I am, or a call might come in, in which case your alien expertise will come in handy.  It’s a win-win.” 

“Well…” Maggie considered it.  She knew she was being so, so clingy if she accepted, but at least it would get her out of the house, which meant not sitting around, letting her own mind spiral out of control.  She knew if she stayed in Alex’s apartment by herself, she would just be calling Alex every hour for a check. 

Which would probably be more taxing than just coming along.

“Vegan ice cream shop around the corner…”  Alex floated out, proud of herself that it made Maggie flash her million-dollar dimples. 

“Okay, Danvers.  But understand that means you just volunteered to buy lunch.” 

* * *

 

On the third day that Maggie came to work with Alex, she knew she was going to have to do something. 

She loved having Maggie with her.  She truly did.  Maggie never bothered Alex when she was in the lab, but was always available for breaks and lunch. Alex looked forward to those little pockets of time with Maggie throughout the day, they were small chunks of time full of Maggie hugs and Maggie kisses and Maggie laughs and she was slowing starting to get used to the increased affection.

The problem was that they didn’t really have anything for Maggie to do.  There was hardly any alien-related crime happening that Supergirl couldn’t handle, CADMUS had been lying low (which slightly unnerved Alex, knowing they were probably planning something), and Alex really had been spending a lot of time staring at petri dishes under microscopes. Honestly, when Maggie wasn’t hanging out with Alex, watching screens with Winn, or sparring (with J’onn’s supervision) in one of the training rooms with Kara, she didn’t know what Maggie did during the day.

On the plus side, her Martian samples that she spliced with dust from an Andromedan meteor, science for science sake, just to see what would happen, were developing nicely.  Into what, Alex had no idea—but something was starting to grow.

On the down side, Maggie was doing very little with her time other than spinning on a chair next to Winn as they fought over whether to go ahead and turn one of the security televisions over to The Ellen Show. 

Surprisingly, Maggie was the one in favor of not breaking security protocol, as her eyes scanned all of the monitors or any approaching threats.  Alex was starting to feel like she was bringing her own personal bodyguard to work every day instead of her police partner.  A bodyguard and an assistant who got her lunch and coffee. 

And while Alex loved, _loved_ getting to spend down time with Maggie, she knew that her girlfriend was also Detective Sawyer, and that there were humans and aliens alike that depended on her hitting the streets in full NCPD blue.

Alex knew that Maggie was nowhere near okay.  But she also didn’t know how to bring it up. 

* * *

 

Maggie Sawyer knew she was nowhere near okay.

How did she know?  Because not once, not one time while at the DEO with Alex, or while at Alex’s apartment, or at the bar, or while at the grocery store, not once at all did she think about work.

For the first time Maggie Sawyer’s adult life, she wasn’t craving a mystery to solve.  Because all she could think about was the image of busting into a warehouse, and seeing what she thought was Alex’s lifeless body floating in a tank.

It was back to a split second—right before Supergirl had punched the tank open—when Maggie thought they had lost.  When she thought she had lost Alex. 

And suddenly nothing else seemed so goddamn important anymore.

She no longer just hugged Alex, she engulfed her, wrapping her arms, legs, her entire body around the taller woman whenever possible.  They didn’t just kiss—Maggie wanted them to share the same air.

Maggie would eat, sleep, and breath Alex Danvers like never before for as long as she could.

Because the only time she could believe, really believe that Alex was really here was if she could see and feel her.

She knew logically that she couldn’t keep following Alex to work.  When she did, she forced herself to give Alex space.  The last thing she wanted to do was become so overbearing and needy that she drove the love of her life away. But sometimes she just needed to _see_ Alex.  She would have an overwhelming sense of impending doom out of nowhere—and she would have to go see her. 

She would walk up to the windows of the lab, peering inside.  She couldn’t hear, due to how thick the glass walls were, but she could see Alex’s little smirk that told her she was humming to herself happily as she looked at slide after slide under the microscope.  And for those few seconds, when she could just walk up and check on Alex at any time, she felt okay. 

A few short seconds when the anxiety would wash away. 

 _Alex was safe_. 

* * *

 

“She likes Strawberries.”  Eliza said softly, so as not to startle Maggie. 

The detective smiled and blushed, having been caught staring at Alex through the glass windows. 

“She does.”  Maggie thought about that for a moment.  They weren’t dating yet this time last year, at the start of strawberry season.  Heck, they didn’t even know each other yet. 

Another first with Alex. 

“She likes the strawberry pies from Delvecchio’s down the block.” Maggie nodded, smiling. 

 _Delvecchio’s. That tiny bakery that always smells like fresh cookies when we walk by. Got it._ She made a mental note to go there with Alex sooner rather than later.  Eliza sighed, smirking.  Maggie was really not getting the gentle hint. 

“Maggie, I hate to ask, but I was going to go pick up five or six of them today for Kara, and another one for you, me, and Alex to share.  Today’s the first day of the strawberry pies, and I called in an order—but now that we’ve added the saline solution I can’t leave the lab for another few hours--”

“Oh, I’d be happy to run down and grab them.”  Maggie said.  If Alex loved this pie, it meant she now loved this pie.  If Alex thought this pie was the best _it meant this pie was absolutely the best thing on this planet_.

“Could you?  It’s already paid for under Danvers.  I just need someone to pick them up.”

“Well, as a highly-trained police professional, I can guarantee a full, safe retrieval of the pies.” 

“Thanks, Maggie.  I’d hate for any of my girls to miss the first day of strawberry pie season.  You included.”  Eliza squeezed her arm. 

Maggie wondered if Eliza knew how much her acceptance of her relationship with Alex meant to both of them.  With no mother of her own, at least not one that’s she had seen in the last fifteen years, Eliza’s constant kindness filled a hole that Maggie thought she had cauterized years ago.  She all but skipped out to the store, but not without giving Alex one last peek. 

_She’ll be fine.  The bakery is down the block.  It’s not much farther than the coffee shop, and you step out every day to go there.  If you walk quick enough, it’ll take the same amount of time._

Maggie started her usual internal monologue, like the monologue she gave herself every time she forced herself out on an errand without Alex, ignoring how it made it feel like she was being smothered, pins and needles starting in her hands and feet. 

Eliza waited until Maggie was down the stairs, heading towards the main doors, before taking a breath and joining Alex in the lab. 

“How are they doing?” Eliza asked, sitting on a stool next to Alex. 

“Not much growth today.  I don’t get it—the first couple of days, bam! Andromedan-Martian molecule hybridization with no problems.  Now it’s like something’s missing to fuel any further merging or growth.  I just…”  Alex trailed off showing Eliza the dish. 

“You did well for a first run.  We’ll catalogue it, and we’ll try a different food source on the next batch.” Alex nodded, giving the dish a little shake. 

“Alex.”  Eliza paused, pursing her lips together.  “Have you thought about what you’re going to do about Maggie?” 

“Oh.”  Alex said, putting the dish down, removing her eye protection.  “I was wondering if people would start to think it was strange, or if we were bothering anyone--”

“No, sweetheart, she’s not bothering anyone.  We love having her here.  But it’s not good for her long term.” 

Alex nodded.  “I know.  I just don’t know what else to do.”

“Alex she’s not okay.” 

“I know she’s not okay.”  The seriousness of Alex’s tone surprised Eliza. Alex’s mother nodded, showing she was listening.

“I know she’s not sleeping very much.  I know because every night when I doze off, she’s still stroking my hair. Or rubbing my back.  Do you know what that means? It means she falls asleep after me.  Every night, Mom.  Every morning, I wake up to it too.  Her hands—they’re still moving, on my back, my arms…which means she’s also waking up before me.  How much sleep is actually happening in the middle?”  Alex was starting to face how worried she was getting about Maggie.  She didn’t want to pressure Maggie to talk to someone about it, knowing how uncomfortable Maggie would be with the idea.  But they had to do something. 

“Is it getting worse or better?”  Eliza asked, her tone concerned.

“Worse. Last night—she…”  Alex trailed off. 

“I care about both of you, Alex.”  Eliza said, putting her hand on her daughter’s arm for support.  Alex took in a breath, then giving it a long exhale. 

“Last night, she kind of spaced out. I can only imagine what was going on in her head.  She had turned on the washing machine in the laundry room down on the first floor, added the soap…I don’t know she must have just gotten lost in her head.  When I came down, she was just staring at the water, the soap overflowing since she never actually added the clothes.  She was gripping the machine so tight I had to pry her hands off it.  It took her awhile to snap out of it.” 

Alex left out how Maggie spent the next hour repeating “I’m so sorry, Alex.”  Alex didn’t know if Maggie was apologizing for overflowing the laundry room or for more, but she tried to assure the tiny woman curled up in her arms that she had nothing she needed to apologize for. 

She left out how Maggie was still showering with her every morning, which Alex knew was another attempt at a coping tactic and not because of how adorable she thought Alex was with wet hair.

She did not think it was adorable.  She always dried Alex off as quickly as possible, before even thinking of grabbing her own towel. And Alex let her—let her have _some_ feeling of control. 

She left out how she knew Maggie was sometimes crying out of nowhere and trying to hide it, wiping away tears when they were watching a movie, or setting the table, or from under her sunglasses in the car. 

“Alex, if there is anything I can do—I mean _anything_ , you let me know.  I mean it.  You’re all my girls now, do you get that?  So, whatever she needs—if you want to get her the best therapist in the city, if you want us to build her a Maggie room next to the break room, if you want to take a vacation together, if you want her to work for the DEO officially so she’s not playing hooky from her own job, Alex, we will make it happen.  I mean it. I want my girls to be okay.”  Eliza pulled Alex into a hug. 

“I heard that somebody likes strawberry pie.  Is that true?” 

Alex looked up out of Eliza’s embrace, seeing Maggie standing in the doorway, holding a stack of pies. 

The _whoosh_ of Supergirl flying up was felt by everyone. 

“Did somebody say ‘strawberry pie’?” 

 

 

 


	2. First And Last Are Sometimes The Same

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for the tremendous about of love everyone showed on the last chapter! This wraps it up--I was able to contain it to 2! So happy to be able to sit down and pump this out :)   
> *please note that I do not have a beta reader. I try to go back and catch more mistakes after regular proofreading and posting, but I still might miss some. I'm working on it!

“I’d like two large vanilla lattes, please.  One with soy and one non-fat.”  Maggie started fishing the money out of her wallet.

“Also, add in a hot chocolate, and a dozen maple donuts.  Fine, twist my arm--a baker’s dozen.”  Maggie smiled, looking over her shoulder to find Kara Danvers hopping right into the line, shoving her credit card over Maggie’s arm to the cashier. 

It wasn’t really cutting if she decided they were in line together, right?  It was just a last-minute decision. 

“Mind if I join you?”  Kara asked hopefully, hand nervously adjusting her glasses. 

“Oh.  Well, I wasn’t actually staying here.  I was taking this back to Alex--”

“Alex, who just entered the anti-gravity tank?”  Kara asked, giving Maggie a sympathetic look.

Ugh. The anti-gravity tank.  Maggie hated the anti-gravity tank because it meant no seeing Alex for close to five hours.  The only comforting thought about the anti-gravity tank was that J’onn and his trainers would be around Alex at all times. 

That, and she really could agree that it was safer for everyone if all the DEO agents knew how to fight in space, if the need ever arose. 

“C’mon.  I’ll even let you have one of the maple donuts—they’re vegan.”  Kara sing-songed out that last bit, knowing it would get Maggie to at least smile. 

She was correct.

“Well, I guess I have the time.” 

“Good, because Netflix just updated for the month, so I wanted to run through everything that I’m making everyone watch with me!”  Maggie laughed and shook her head.  

The smaller Danvers was growing on her.

* * *

 

J’onn took a left once he and Alex got to floor negative two, the underground mirror floor of level 2 above ground, where Alex’s lab was. 

A left, not a right, which Alex noticed immediately.

“J’onn? We’re not going to anti-gravity?”

“Oh, we are.  I just wanted us to make a little stop over first, get your opinion on something.” 

J’onn opened a room that Alex recognized from _years_ before.  It was the room new agents went to for onboarding. 

Winn was already there, lying out some supplies on a table. 

Alex moved towards the pile.  A uniform, exactly like her own, only much smaller.  A ray-gun, a regular standard issue Glock handgun, a tactical switchblade, a variety of holsters, a lightweight zip-up Kevlar shirt fitted to look like a fitness top, a mini-ultra gamma-ray taser for the less cooperative intergalactic species, a wallet badge—

_Agent Margaret P. Sawyer_

“We thought we’d run this past you, before throwing the ‘welcome to the team’ party.  There is going to be a party, right?” Winn was clearly too excited for his own good.  “Because we should totally have a party.  Hey! Can your Mom make those little olive cheesy-bite things again? Because--”

“No.” Was Alex’s immediate response.

“Okay.  Not a fan of aps. Noted.”

“No, Winn.”  Alex’s mouth pressed into a hard line.  “No aps, no party—no Agent Sawyer.” 

J’onn waited quietly, watching Alex’s reaction.  He knew that Alex might not approve of her partner taking on a more dangerous job than her regular police work, but he didn’t realize he would touch such a nerve.  After all, Maggie had spent every day for over a week at the DEO.  He thought this was the direction they were headed in. 

And truthfully, he would be thrilled to have Maggie join the DEO.  Except Alex was obviously not as thrilled by the idea. 

“Alex?”  He waited, relaxing his stance from official, to letting his legs bend and his arms cross.  “Do you not want us to recruit Maggie?” 

“It’s not that.  I mean yes?  I don’t know.  But if that’s something that’s on the table—and it’s literally on a table right now, just--” Alex reached out and touched the Agent ID.  “Now is not a good time.  She’s still not handling what happened well.  If we put her in the field now, she’d be too distracted.” 

J’onn nodded.  “Distracted by danger?  Water? What do we need to worry about?”

“Me.”  Was Alex’s immediate reply.  “If she went into the field now, she would be making decisions based on trying to keep me specifically out of danger.  Not to maintain a mission. Even if it meant getting herself hurt. She’s a great cop, don’t get me wrong.  And maybe one day she can be a great agent…if that’s what she wants.  But right now, she’d end up hurt.” 

Winn and J’onn both nodded, staying silent, while Winn started putting away the new uniform and goods into a box. 

_So that’s why Alex has been okay with Maggie not going to work._.. J’onn knew the kidnapping was rough on everyone involved, but perhaps he had underestimated how much it had affected who he hoped would be his next star agent on the Supergirl team. 

* * *

 

“Alex.  _Alex.  Al-ex._ ” Maggie’s hands shook as she grasped at Alex’s naked back, her girlfriend gently grinding their centers together. 

The red-head loved hearing her name gasped out over and over again, as Maggie clung to her, pulling as much of her skin into contact with her torso as she could without breaking rhythm.  Alex buried her face in a soft, tanned neck, nuzzling, nipping, licking, listening.

“Alex.  Uh. Yes. Alex.”  Maggie was grinding back.  Alex loved how Maggie said her name.  She moved her mouth down to a collar bone, running her lips back and forth, moving her mouth to trail down the middle of Maggie’s chest.  All grinding stopped, as Alex used her mouth, all of her mouth, to taste salt and sweat and softness, moving lower to a trembling belly. 

Hands that were previously on her back moved to her hair. 

“Alex?” 

Alex stopped, her lips freezing in place, no longer moving downward. 

“Alex, baby?” The fingers that previously had been shaking from pleasure seemed to be shaking from something less than enjoyable. 

“Hmm?”  Alex looked up, meeting coffee cream eyes. 

“Can you—just stay up here with me? This time?” Maggie gave the back of Alex’s neck a little tug to emphasize what she needed. 

“Yeah, baby. I can do that.”  Alex kissed her way back up, coming face to face with Maggie.  Wherever Maggie had just gone mentally a few seconds ago must have shaken her up, as she pulled Alex back into her body, clinging to her shoulders.  Alex instinctively knew what Maggie needed, settling back between her thighs, hands framing Maggie’s face, keeping their faces close.  The smaller woman wrapped her legs around, hooking her ankles, cocooning Alex, holding her to every soft part of her body in full contact.

“I’m here, Maggie.  I’m not going anywhere.”  She ground her hips back down, feeling Maggie buck up to meet her.  “I’m here.” 

“Alex.”  Maggie answered, eyes starting to tear, hands gripping taut shoulder muscles. Alex kept her steady, slow rhythm, keeping their faces close, letting their noses bump, sometimes indulging in Maggie’s gentle kisses.

“Alex.”  She heard gasped out again. 

“I’m here.”   

 

* * *

 

Maggie had made the conscious decision to spend less time at the DEO after two weeks. 

Nobody had asked her to.  If anything, everyone seemed to have just acclimated to Maggie always being around. 

Alex always sought Maggie out when she added something new to her petri-dish samples, glowing with excitement over a bunch of species genus names that Maggie just nodded along with.  Eliza and Kara started having lunch with Maggie—with or without Alex, and if they couldn’t grab lunch, they grabbed a coffee or a walk outside for some fresh air.  And Winn was constantly buzzing around Maggie when she wasn’t borrowing access to the DEO’s gym or training equipment for someone to sneak out to the bar for a round of pool or darts. 

It was starting to feel great—but like a permanent vacation.  And Maggie knew she wasn’t on a permanent vacation, and the feeling that she had no place being there was starting to creep up.  Even though she had no pressure from the police chief, she did know eventually she would have to go to work—her own work.  Not Alex’s. 

Even though Alex’s workplace had all her friends, her girlfriend’s family, all of the coolest weapons she had every laid her eyes on, a full gym…she knew eventually she would return to the police force.

So, she would find an excuse to leave earlier than Alex each day, planning to leave earlier and earlier bit by bit. 

Until being separated from Alex no longer felt like someone was trying to rip her lungs out of her body while dumping cold water over her face and head. 

As far as Maggie could tell, this plan could take months.

Yesterday, she left early to “get a head start on dinner.”  Alex raised her eyebrows, nodding, and agreeing to meet Maggie back at her apartment. Just an hour early.  Maggie was so upset at walking away from Alex that when she got to the kitchen, she put a pan on the stove, and proceeded to zone out, not actually making anything, trying to force herself to take deep breaths.

Today, she was leaving early for a yoga class.  Just two hours early.  Yesterday sucked, but she had survived.  So she could it again.

_You’re doing great, Maggie_ , she reminded herself, taking slow, deep breathes as she forced one foot in front of the other. 

Maggie got to the front doors of the DEO, and started to turn back. 

It was only a couple of hours, and she was regularly separated from Alex longer than that when Alex had training. But this felt different.  She shuffled which shoulder her rolled yoga mat was on, looking back between the door and the inside, where she knew Alex was. 

And then Maggie had a thought: that if anything happened to Alex today, and she had _chosen_ to leave, to not spend every minute she could with her, she’d never forgive herself. 

Maggie turned away from the door, starting to walk back inside, almost crashing directly into a very large, very fast-moving J’onn. 

“Heading to yoga?”  J’onn asked, snapping Maggie out of it. 

“I-maybe?  What?”  Maggie noticed that J’onn also had a yoga mat slung over his shoulder, clearly a much larger and thicker version of her own. 

“Good.  Me too.  I’d like to join if that’s okay, unless--”

“No!  No, it’s fine.  Of course.  I just—you do yoga? What kind?”  Maggie asked, not one-hundred percent buying that J’onn just happened to casually be going to a yoga class at the same time she was, or that he…casually ever did yoga at all. 

But he did have a mat.  And Maggie wasn’t particularly in the mood to share that she was about to have a meltdown, instead focusing on the two-hundred and fifty pounds of pure muscle in front of her pretending to be familiar with yoga. 

J’onn let out a chuckle.  “Detective, I’ve been doing yoga since before yoga had ‘kinds’.  Come on.”  He motioned for her to follow.

So, they walked out to yoga together.

It took every ounce of fighting will power that Maggie Sawyer could muster not to look back over her shoulder at the DEO.

* * *

 

“Come on, Maggot! Push, you lily-toed wimpy pile of dust!” 

“Kara, I could use a little more spotting and a little less old-timey insults from your classic military movies.”  Alex spoke through gritted teeth, knowing the current pile of weights in her arms was too heavy to get out one single bench press rep. 

“Okay!  Sorry.  I got excited.”  Kara pulled the stacked Olympic bar out of Alex’s hands, moving to pull off a few of the plates back down to Alex’s human range.  “So. How is Maggie doing?”  Kara tried to sound casual, unsure if this was something Alex was okay talking with her about. 

Alex sat up, using her sweat towel to clear her face. 

“I think she’s doing better.” 

“Yeah?”  Kara said, sounding happy.  She considered Maggie a friend now, not just ‘her sister’s girlfriend’.  After everything they’d gone through, and now that they were hanging out regularly without Alex, she was a friend.  But Kara never brought up the kidnapping.  If she hadn’t been there with Maggie so that she knew it happened, she would never know anything was wrong.

Which meant that Maggie was very, very good at burying things if she wanted to.  Which worried Kara. 

“I think so.   I know what she’s up to.” Alex smiled and shook her head.  Of course, tough-as-nails Maggie Sawyer would be pushing herself harder than Alex would ever push her.  “She’s forcing herself through immersion therapy.” 

“I don’t know what that means.  All racked.”  Kara moved back behind the bench, letting Alex have room to lay back and pick up the weights. 

“She’s been training herself, bit-by-bit, to be away from me.”  Alex grunted out between reps.  The weights were now within her range, but still heavy.  “Have you noticed that she’s been leaving the DEO before I get out?” 

“Yeah, but she told me she’s been doing yoga with J’onn.  Not the kind of guy I pictured in yoga pants, but Maggie swears he’s crazy good.  Like her jaw dropped when she signed them into an advanced class and he, as she put it, ‘bent backwards like a Daxomite hooker’.” 

Alex paused her pushes to laugh. 

“And she makes sure she’s spending time out during the day.  Even at the house, she still stays at my place, but she’s trying to make herself less dependent on me.  Even though it looks like it’s killing her.”  Alex decided at that moment that as close as she was with her sister, she didn’t need to know that today was the first day Maggie showered with Alex, and it was fun and loving—like a real morning routine, not something Maggie did out of fear. 

It had made Alex’s heart skip so many beats she knew she was still grinning when they arrived at the office.

“But…” Kara said cautiously, helping Alex finish her last, shaky rep, then replacing the bar on the holder. 

“But…I don’t know.  Maggie can handle a lot of things.  But it scares me that she won’t go to a professional.  Thanks.”  Alex took the bottle of water that Kara handed her, joining Alex on the bench with her own bottle.  “She’s forcing herself to get better.  But what if she’s not?  What if she’s back in the field and has a panic attack or her mind wanders because something triggers her, and—I mean, we both already just have dangerous jobs, but now…”  Alex trailed off. 

She didn’t know if Maggie was more afraid of leaving Alex at this point, or if Alex was afraid of Maggie going back to work too early. 

“I just don’t want her to rush it. You know?  It’s like I’m afraid to ask—too much of anything. I just don’t want her to push into anything before she’s ready, but because she’s Maggie, so she’s not such a big talker, I’m never going to know if she’s really ready.”

“Why do I get the feeling that this isn’t just about going back to work?”

“It is though.  I need her to go back to work.  I need her to be okay, because...”

“Because?”  Kara baited. Alex exhaled, shoulders deflating.

“Because I really want to ask her to move in with me.  Officially.  Not just staying over at ‘my’ place, but our place.” 

Alex couldn’t help but smile at Kara’s squeal.  “That’s so great!  You should totally ask her.  Of course she wants to move in with you.”

“But that’s the thing.  I want her to move in with me because we’re in love, and want a household together.  Not because she’s afraid for my life. I want her to move in with me because I love her, not because she’s scared to not be there. Do you see the difference?”

“Oh.”  Kara answered, taking a swig of the water.

“Yeah.”    

* * *

 

It was a full month of “extended recovery leave” from the NCPD before Maggie even heard from anyone on the force. 

“Chief.”  Maggie said, surprised when she answered the phone.  It wasn’t a number she had recognized. 

“Sawyer.  Look, I hate to bother you when you’re officially on leave, but I really feel like I have no choice.  Turn on the news.” 

Of course, Maggie being at the DEO at the command center with Winn meant she already had the news on, and was watching what the chief was presumably calling about. 

An alien, on top of National City Hall, trying to commit suicide.  And he wouldn’t tell anyone why. 

Supergirl had already flown to the scene, and was ready to swoop him off of the building.  She learned the hard way that whatever kind of alien this guy was, he had teleportation powers.  She would fly in, ready to grab him, and he would disappear just as she would have pulled him in her arms, re-materializing on another ledge. 

However, Supergirl being as stubborn as she was, she had to try at least ten times before finally giving up, each time the alien re-appearing away from her, still looking sadly down on the city. 

It was then that she flew down, and made the first request she had ever made of the Chief of the NCPD directly. 

She asked him to call Maggie Sawyer. 

* * *

 

J’onn parked the black DEO SUV right behind the police barrier, turning off the lights. 

“Remember.  When it gets uncomfortable, just breath through it.  That’s it.  If you can breathe, you’re still winning.” 

Maggie nodded at J’onn before hopping out.  She knew why she was called in.  She was excellent with her verbal skills, and knew aliens better than anyone else on the force.  What nobody could tell her was why the alien wanted to die, and why Supergirl wasn’t able to handle it.   

Supergirl also didn’t indulge Maggie in conversation, simply flying her up to the roof of City Hall, before simply saying, “I’ll leave you to it.” 

And with that Supergirl leapt off, leaving Maggie alone. 

Detective Sawyer immediately ran her mind through all of her anti-suicide training.  She knew if she could just get him to talk, she could probably figure out what’s going on.

* * *

 

Five hours on the roof, and Maggie was starting to wish she had brought a coat, and not just her lightweight NCPD jacket.  Also, she wished she could get the alien to talk. 

She knew he could understand English without a translator, because he would react to her questions.  A scoff, an eyeroll, a shrug—he heard every request for his name, what was wrong, how long he’d been on earth, every benign question Maggie asked to get a conversation started, he ignored. 

What scared Maggie was that it looked like he really did want to jump.  He kept looking down.  Maggie had been on enough suicide rescues to know that his eyes were scanning the scene below for an opening. 

Detective Sawyer decided the situation was more pressing than the Chief had described on the phone.  She couldn’t afford to attempt a slow, ten to twelve-hour talk-down.  This guy might actually do it. 

So Maggie sat down on the ledge next to him. 

“Okay.  If you don’t want to talk, that’s your choice.  I can’t make you.  Everything that happens here is your choice.  You’re in control.  But I do know this:  there is someone, somewhere in this universe who cares about you.” 

He scoffs again. 

Good.  Maggie confirms he’s still listening to her. 

“I don’t know if it’s a he or a she, or on this planet or another one, but there is someone somewhere who thinks about you.  There is someone who if they saw you sitting on this ledge, they’d be terrified.  How do I know?  Because I was in that position.  I saw the most important person in my life almost die.” 

The alien stopped making rude “pft” noises, and stilled enough to listen.  He also seemed to stop scanning the street for an opening. 

“A month ago, my partner was trapped in a tank that was slowly filling with water.  Every hour would add a couple of feet, until she would slowly drown, fully aware of what was happening, alone, and unable to do anything about it. Someone did this to her on purpose.”  Maggie felt herself starting to shake, her voice cracking. 

Even after all of this time, she hadn’t actually vocalized what happened.  Every cell in her body yelled _fuck this guy_ , urging her to just get off the building and go find Alex.  But she knew she couldn’t.  She accepted this assignment, she had to stick it out, even if it made her uncomfortable. 

She took a few full, deep breaths. 

“I was supposed to save her.  Well, her sister and I were, the sick asshole who did it made it so that it was our fault if we didn’t find her in time to save her.  Disgusting, right?”  Maggie was so lost in the story she didn’t realize the alien was gazing at her intently, listening to the story. 

“So, I tried everything I could, and her sister tried everything she could, and hours and hours went by and we kept falling into trap after trap.  But throughout the whole thing, it was pure adrenaline, you know?  The high that keeps you running on no sleep and from losing your mind. By the time we found her--” Maggie had to stop, steadying herself for this last part. 

Supergirl was listening, of course, to the whole story from the ground.  She was starting to get why she and Maggie had so easily become such good friends in the last few weeks.  Because only the two of them understand what the other one went through.  And Kara nodded along, as Maggie described each detail, every moment that felt like a punch in the gut, the fear that someone they loved had died, alone, without anyone there to lean on. That moment when either one of them—but especially Maggie—would be willing to do literally anything to get Alex out.

And then Maggie when into the aftermath.  How she spent every moment just _not wanting_ to relive the moment when she thought Alex was dead.  How she would do anything to make sure that never happened—because the idea that this person could slip away was a slower torture than dying herself.  Kara couldn’t take it anymore. 

Maggie started wiping her eyes, only realizing tears had started as she shared the whole story when Supergirl had flown up and appeared next to the Detective, sitting and putting her arm around the small officer for a hug, with full squeezing super-strength. 

“Yeah.” Kara said simply.  “That’s exactly it. That was the worst. Thinking that she wasn’t here anymore, but I still would be.”  Maggie nodded into Kara’s shoulder, letting the tears drip onto the impervious blue fabric.

_It’s over.  It’s over and Alex is alive._

For a moment, everyone sat in silence, looking out over the city, taking it in. 

“My name is Lenix.”  The alien finally said.  Maggie sat up, wiping away the tears. 

“Nice to meet you, Lenix.  Who can we call?”  He nodded, knowing exactly what the Detective meant.  She was asking ‘who would feel how I felt if you jumped right now’ and he knew it. 

“My buddy.  His name is Ult-in.  I don’t know what planet he’s on at the moment though, but—gosh if he found out I jumped today and never got to speak to me again…we served together during the second Martian War.  He saved me. Twice. He named his son after me.” 

Maggie looked at Kara, who simply said, “I’m on it!” before flying off the building. 

* * *

 

“Okay, Maggie…I’m not in any way trying to influence your decision, but this round is on me, and it’s your absolute _favorite_ lager, according to Alex.”  J’onn dropped down five bottles of beer on the table in front of the group, sitting down to everyone laughing. 

“To Agent Sawyer!”  Winn yelled out.

“Guys, I haven’t decided yet.  It’s a big decision, and Alex and I need to discuss it.” 

“Oh. Come. On.” Kara yelled exasperated. 

“I second that.  Come on, Maggie.  You’re not going to miss us if you go back to the PD? This face?  You’re not going to miss this face?” Winn adds, pointing to his own fake frown. 

“Okay, everyone let’s leave Maggie to think about it.  But I think we all know it’s more about ‘when’ she joins, and not so much ‘if’, so Maggie, whenever you decide you’re ready—let’s just say we already had a badge made up, and I’ll leave it at that.”  He raises his bottle, letting everyone click before drinking. 

“Now, if you’ll all excuse me, if we’re all done asking my girlfriend things, I’d like to ask my girlfriend some things.”  Alex took Maggie’s hand, dragging her away from the group, over to the pool table that they always used to gravitate towards back when they were “just friends”. 

Maggie couldn’t stop smiling.  Since Supergirl flew her down off of the roof after locating Lenix’s friend, she had been smiling a big grin, as she was immediately surrounded by friends, family, and Alex’s arms. 

She had never felt more love than she felt right now, at this moment in her life. She hoped Kara was right, and that Rao was real and living in the Sun, because she was thanking it every moment in her head for bringing Alex into her life.  

Alex, who stopped them next to a pool table, holding Maggie’s face with both of her hands. 

“Alex, what--” Alex kissed her, pouring in everything that she felt. 

She held Maggie’s cheeks, as they fit perfectly into her palms, moving their lips together.  She wanted to tell Maggie with her kiss that they weren’t just two people fumbling through police calls and bad movie nights and burnt dinners with some hugs thrown in.  They were a “we”.  A “them”. 

So Alex kissed her, not caring how many people were around, opening and closing her mouth again and again, feeling Maggie’s breath skip across her cheek, her strong, thin fingers move from her elbows around her back to draw Alex closer. 

When Alex finally pulled back, she felt Maggie lose her breath.

“Wow.”  Maggie said, moving back in for another one, returning Alex’s feelings with equal tenacity.  She let go of every worry, every blockage, sealing her mouth to Alex’s, breathing Alex in. 

When they parted, Maggie looked up at Alex smiling. 

“Maggie, do you know where we are?” 

“A bar? A bar that apparently we’re making out in tonight, which I’m not complaining about.”

Alex chuckled, kissing Maggie’s cheek.

“This is the exact spot where we had our first kiss.”  Maggie let out a sheepish smile, remembering. 

She remembered Alex grabbing her out of the blue and kissing her, with more moxy than she ever had taking on her toughest opponent, and yet more gentleness than she had ever given the tiniest ladybug. 

She remembered how much it terrified her, and how she tried to cover it up with a “what’s best for you” speech and her nervous smile. 

“Maggie, this is our first do-over.  Because I’ve been wanting to do that. But now, whenever I want to, I can. I want to have our first kiss over and over and over again.” 

Right there, in the middle of alien fins and tentacles and green, blue, and shiny beings, Maggie Sawyer melted into Alex’s arms. 

“I want that too, Alex.”  Maggie said, using her small, vulnerable voice that signaled to Alex when she was talking about her feelings.

“Yeah?” Alex asked, pulling a key out of her pocket. 

“Alex?”  Maggie asked as her eyes went wide, hoping the key meant what she thought it meant. 

“Move in with me.”  Maggie looked up at Alex, knowing that this woman was the last thing she wanted to see before going to sleep every single night for the rest of her life. Every night, she wanted to close her eyes to an image of Alex.   

“I would love to move in with you.”  Maggie took the key in her hand, moving in to give Alex a long, lingering, strong kiss with both of her hands wrapped around Alex’s neck, still holding the key. 

“We’re going to have to talk about some things, though, Agent Danvers.”  Maggie said, trying to sound stern through her smiles. 

“We do?  What about?”

“Gertrude?  I mean, does our first dog need to be named after someone’s grandmother?” Alex took Maggie’s hand, starting to bring them back to the table.

“I put a lot of thought into naming little Gertrude Stein-Danvers-Sawyer, thank you very much.  Pugs aren’t supposed to have tough sounding names.  They’re adorable.”

“And now she’s a pug! Don’t you want a big dog? Something we can cuddle with? And maybe not name Gertrude?”  Maggie whined. 

“And she’s going to have a big bow on her head.  I want everyone to see you walking your big tough dog with a bow.”

“You’re killing me Danvers!”

“Here, Gerddy!  Over here, old girl!”

Maggie Sawyer had never smiled so much in her life. 

And she never intended to stop. 

 

 


End file.
